:)
teringat pada
one old but slightly 'dirty'
joke/riddle
here it goes...
ada 4 soalan;
tapi satu sahaja jawapan yang diperlukan
SOALAN
1. kenapa gigi sakit?
2. kenapa ubi jadi kayu?
3. kenapa pencuri kena tangkap?
4. kenapa perempuan mengandung?
JAWAPAN
sebab tak cabut...
A Call to HP Technical Support
Caller: Hi, our printer is not working.
Technical Support: What is wrong with it?
Caller: Mouse is jammed.
Technical Support: Mouse? And how it is related to printer?
Caller: Mmmm.. Wait, I will send a picture...
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How to Put The Right People For The Right Job
Put around 100 bricks
in some particular order
in a closed room with an open window.
Then send 2-3 candidates
into the room and close it from outside.
Leave them alone
and come back after 6 hours,
and then analyze the situation:
If they are counting
and recounting the number of bricks
- PUT THEM! IN ACCOUNTS DEPT.
If they have messed up
the whole place with the bricks
- PUT THEM IN ENGINEERING
If they are arranging the bricks
in some other order
- PUT THEM IN PLANNING.
If they are throwing the bricks
at each other
- PUT THEM IN OPERATIONS.
If they are sleeping
- PUT THEM IN SECURITY.
If they have broken the bricks
into pieces
- PUT THEM IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY.
If they are sitting idle
- PUT THEM IN HUMAN RESOURCE DEPT.
If they have thrown the bricks
out of the window
- PUT THEM IN THE MATERIALS DEPT.
If they are clinging onto the bricks
- PUT THEM IN QUANTITY CONTROL.
If they say they have tried different combinations,
yet not a brick has moved
- PUT THEM IN SALES.
If they have already left for the day
- PUT THEM IN MARKETING.
If they are staring out of the window
- PUT THEM IN STRATEGIC PLANNING.
and last but not least....
If they are talking to each other
and not a single brick has been moved
- PUT THEM IN TOP MANAGEMENT
hehe..
***
"How was your blind date?"
a college student asked her roommate.
"Teribble!" the roommate answered.
"He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
"Wow! That's a very expensive car.
What's so bad about that?"
"He is the original owner."
***
Girl:
When we get married,
I want to share all your worries,
troubles and lighten your problem.
Boy:
It's very kind of you, darling.
But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl:
Well, that's because we aren't married yet.
***
A newly married man asked his wife,
"Would you have married me
if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly,
"I'd have married you
no matter WHO left you a fortune"
***
Hubby:
You always carry my photo
in your handbag to the office. Why?
Wifey:
When there is a problem,
no matter how impossible,
I look at your picture
and the problem dissapears.
Hubby:
You see, how miraculous
and powerful I am for you?
Wifey:
Yes, I see your picture
and say to myself,
"What other problem
can there be greater than this one?"
***
Before a man is married, he is incomplete.
Then when he is married, he is finished.
***
At the party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring
on the wrong finger?"
The other replied,
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
***
Young son:
"Is it true, Dad,
I heard that in some parts of Africa,
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad:
"That happens in all countries son."
***
Then there was a man who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was
until I got married, and then it was too late."
***
A happy marriage is a matter of give and take;
the husband gives and the wife takes.
***
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied,
"I don't know son, I'm still paying for it."
***
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband,
"You know, I was a fool when I married you."
And the husband replied,
"Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
***
When a man opens the door
of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing;
either the car is new or the wife is new.
***
Getting married is like
going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want,
then when you see what the other fellow has,
you wish you had ordered that.
***
A man inserted
an advertisement in a newspaper;
"Wife wanted".
The next day,
he received hundreds of letters.
They all said the same thing;
"You can have mine."
***
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage,
the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year,
the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak,
and the neighbours listen.
***
A flight was canceled.
A single agent was rebooking
a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly an angry passenger
pushed his way to the desk.
He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said,
"I have to be on this flight and it has to be first class."
The agent replied,
"I'm sorry sir, I'll be happy to try to help you,
but I've got to help these folks first,
and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly,
so that the passengers behind him could hear,
"Do you have any idea who I am?"
Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled
and grabbed her public address microphone.
"May I have your attention please?" she began,
her voice bellowing throughout the terminal.
"We have a passenger here at the gate
who does not know who he is.
If anyone can help him find his identity,
please come to the gate."
With the folks in line behind him laughing hysterically,
the man glared at the agent, gritted his teeth
and swore, "F*** you."
Without flinching, she smiled and said,
"I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."
A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument
and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
------------------------------------------------------------------
A husband read an article to his wife
about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied,
"The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..."
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
------------------------------------------------------------------
A man said to his wife one day,
"I don't know how you can be so stupid
and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded,
"Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
------------------------------------------------------------------
Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel,
and hubby was losing his temper.
"Be careful," he said to his wife.
"You will bring out the animal in me."
"So what?" his wife shot back.
"Who is afraid of a mouse?"
Don't imagine you can change a man
- unless he's in diapers.
What do you do if your boyfriend walks out?
You shut the door.
If they put a man on the moon
- they should be able to put them all up there.
Never let your man's mind wander
- it's too little to be out alone.
Go for the younger man.
You might as well, they never mature anyway.
Men are all the same
- they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
Definition of a bachelor:
a man who has missed the opportunity
to make some woman miserable.
Women don't make fools of men
- most of them are the do-it-yourself types
Best way to get a man to do something
is to suggest he is too old for it.
Love is blind,
but marriage is a real eye-opener.
If you want a committed man,
look in a mental hospital.
If he asks what sort of books you're interested in,
tell him checkbooks.
Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes,
it means that you laugh at his.
Sadly, all men are created equal.
sepasang pengantin baru
mengalami gangguan kesihatan..
setelah diperiksa dengan teliti,
doktor memberitahu..
perkara itu disebabkan
oleh hubungan seks yang terlalu kerap...
"untuk sementara waktu ini..
anda berdua dinasihatkan
supaya menghadkan kegiatan seks,
sebaiknya dua kali saja seminggu sahaja..
untuk memudah melakukan hubungan ini
hanya pada hari tetentu sahaja..
dan untuk mudah ingat..
saya sarankan hari yang bermula dengan S..
iaitu Selasa dan Sabtu," saran doktor
akan tetapi pada malam ketiga berpuasa
dari membuat hubungan...
si suami tidak dapat lagi menahan nafsunya lalu...
mencumbui isterinya yang sedang tidur
sehingga isterinya terjaga...
"hari ini hari apa Bang?"
tanya si isteri.
"Sumaat."
Tongue Twisters
Peter bought a butter,
The butter Peter bought was bitter,
So Peter Bought A better butter,
To make the bitter butter better.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck
if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
He would chuck, he would, as much as he could,
and chuck as much wood as a wood chuck would
if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
Which witch wished which wicked wish?
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
Did Peter Piper pick a peck of pickled peppers?
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
The shells she sells are surely seashells.
So if she sells shells on the seashore,
I'm sure she sells seashore shells.
A flea and a fly flew up in a flue.
Said the flea, "Let us fly!"
Said the fly, "Let us flee!"
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.
Betty Botter had some butter,
But, she said, "this butter's bitter.
If I bake this bitter butter, it would make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter that would make my batter better.
So she bought a bit of butter,
better than her bitter butter,
And she baked it in her batter,
and the batter was not bitter.
So 'twas better Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter.
A big black bug bit a big black bear,
made the big black bear bleed blood.
Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better.
A bitter biting bittern Bit a better brother bittern,
And the bitter better bittern Bit the bitter biter back.
And the bitter bittern, bitten, By the better bitten bittern,
Said: "I'm a bitter biter bit, alack!"
Mr. See owned a saw.
And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw.
Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw
Before Soar saw See,
Which made Soar sore.
Had Soar seen See's saw before See sawed Soar's seesaw,
See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw.
So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.
But it was sad to see Soar so sore
Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw!
Silly Sally swiftly shooed seven silly sheep.
The seven silly sheep Silly Sally shooed shilly-shallied south.
These sheep shouldn't sleep in a shack;
sheep should sleep in a sack.
A UM graduate found himself
difficult to get a job.
He finally accepted the offer
to work with Taiping Zoo.
"What to do? It's better to work like this
than earning nothing...", mumbling to himself.
So since that day,
the IT grad started work acting as a monkey.
He has to wear monkey suit and mask,
chew nuts and eat bananas.
He has to climb trees too
and jump from one to another to attract visitors.
The zoo has since then enjoyed
tremendous business due
to the increase in visitors.
Unfortunately, one day when he was jumping
from the trees, he fell down into a crocodile pool!
"Oh my God...I'm going to die now" he thought,
as a hungry looking crocodile
swam steadily towards his direction.
In the middle of his struggle,
suddenly he heard a soft voice,
"Don't be afraid my friend... I'm from UKM".
